Tommy Dee, 1952 - 2009

On the morning of Tuesday, March 24, 2009, our good friend Tom Donfrio passed from this world after a year-long struggle with cancer. He leaves behind Amy, his wife of 29 years, his daughter Lindsey, 20, his family, and of course us, his many friends.

This web site is a labor of love by Tom's friends and family, a place to remember Tom, the loving husband and father, the educator, the musician, the mischievous prankster, the all-around great guy.

Soon we'll post information about funeral arrangements and other such details, [UPDATE: See the post below for this information.] so you can check back here if you're interested in that. We hope you'll take a moment to leave a greeting or a farewell or a remembrance on this site. You can do this simply by leaving a comment on any post you see here. If you decide you'd like to write something more elaborate, or if you'd like to include pictures, email us and we will send you a password so you can post your thoughts.

[UPDATE: Tom's family and hundreds of his friends are reading this. You're invited to share your thoughts and memories about Tommy on any of the posts you see here. Simply click on the word "COMMENTS" at the bottom of a post, and write something in the window that opens. While you're there you can read the comments of others.]

Service Details

Here are the arrangements. Click the links for maps and directions.

Thursday, April 2, 2009, 4:00 PM to 9:00 PM - There will be a viewing at Guerra Gutierrez Mortuaries,
5800 Beverly Blvd, LA CA 90022.
At 7:00 PM there will also be a rosary.

The funeral will take place on Friday, April 3, 2009, 1:00 PM, at St. John Vianney Catholic Church,
1345 Turnbull Canyon Road, Hacienda Heights CA 91745 . .

. . . followed by interment at Resurrection Cemetery in Monterey Park . . .

. . . followed by a reception at the Arcadia Elks Lodge,
27 West Huntington Drive, Arcadia CA 91006.

In lieu of flowers, please send donations to . . .

The Marino Foundation
10671 Civic Center Drive
Rancho Cucamonga, CA, 91730
c/o Lindsey Donfrio Educational Fund
(The Marino Foundation is a fully registered 501 (3) (C) organization.
100% of proceeds benefit the Lindsey Donfrio College Fund.)

From Amy To Everyone

For all of the outpouring of prayers, wishes, and love, we wish to truly thank you. The many tributes to Tommy Dee have been overwhelming and inspiring and have helped ease our transition. Ronnie, Lindsey, and myself deeply appreciate all of the pictures, kind words and memories. Tommy has touched many lives in his too short of time with us. All of your memories have strengthened what all of us know; that there will never be another Tommy Dee. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
To Larry Menshek, thank you for this incredible website and all the time you have put into this. You are a wonderful person and we definitely appreciate you.

--Amy, Lindsey, and Ronnie Donfrio

To my incredible brother, Ronnie, you have once again proven to be the equal of your brother. You have taken care of everything with grace, dignity, and love, making Lindsey's and my life as easy as it can be at this uncharted time. And to Helen, my second sister, I love you with all of my heart.

To our family, In all ways, huge and small, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU. Love you all forever.
To my daughter, You are my ROCK. There are no words to say my love for you.

--Amy Donfrio

Riding The Ball

One unusually clear night in Bajamar, as I was standing on a cliff above the ocean, watching the sliver of a moon, planets and stars disappear toward the western horizon, Tommy came up behind me and said "Whatcha doin?"

I told him I was just "riding the ball." He remembered that we started that little exercise about 30 years ago on a similar cliff in Northern California. We talked a little personal history, some amateur philosophy, a little astronomy and a little nonsense and we rode the ball together for a while longer.

Reflecting on Mexico we remembered that Tommy once tried to talk me into giving money to support the education and lunch of poor kids in Mexico. I was skeptical. But since I was going to live there for 6 months he gave me a name an address and an envelope and said check it out. At that time there were about 20 million people in Mexico City and looking for a kid named Jose seemed a little daunting but... I found the school. I found the Sister Superior and I eventually found the student. He and his family were living in the sprawling city dump with maybe 2 or 3 thousand other folks. His family made their living as scavengers. The family lived in humble quarters. They were so grateful for what Tom was doing for their son.

By the time I gave him the envelope there were at least 20 other children gathered around. He opened it and found a picture of Tom, a letter wishing him good luck and a silver dollar that Tom's dad Andy had offered. When he held up the coin the children all screamed and jumped up and down and crowded around to glean a peak and to brush against his good fortune.

For 25 years Robin and I have supported dozens of children through this organization Children, Incorporated. Like us, their good fortune was Tommy.

What an incredible ride Tommy had on this little speck in space. I feel grateful that I got to spend so much time cruising with him and that I was open to his influence.

Riding the ball seems a little lonelier now. I'll trust that time and a rededication to my family and friends will temper the sense of loss. And I'll trust that my memories of the great times with Tommy will keep him in my heart.

--Paul McKernan

A Cheap Sax Menory

One late evening (2001) at "Taps" restaurant in Brea, my hubby and I met after a long day at work to catch up on stuff including our daughter's upcoming wedding. The place was crowded and busy as we were seated at the oyster bar in the last two available stools. Unbeknownst to us, behind us (facing the lounge crowd), TWO FEET away, a band began to set up to play.
Oh no!! (we thought). We were about to have our chit chat cut short! No way we would be able to talk now! Little did we know that Tommy D and his band "Cheap Sax" was about to become our perfect find for our daughter's wedding reception. Greg and I were so impressed by the command they had of the crowd and how much fun the guys were having AND how GREAT they sounded!!! We met Jeff Cool and Tommy cuz they stood right next to us at the bar during their break. We introduced ourselves and asked if they played at weddings and Jeff gave us a card. Then we settled in to enjoy the rest of the show!

The clincher, as if we weren't already sold, was when Tommy stepped up to BE JOE COCKER! That was it! Long story short, "Cheap Sax" not only played at our daughter Shalyn's wedding reception (2002), but we brought them down to San Diego Bay and enjoyed them all over again at our other daughter Danee's wedding reception in 2006! (a promise fulfilled to Danee) In between those years we got our fix and caught up with "Cheap Sax" at numerous venues around So. Cal. This band has such charisma, they make your day, and Tommy D will be missed like "not having Peter Cetera in Chicago or Michael McDonald in The Doobie Brothers"!!

Greg and I, Adam and Shalyn and Joshua and Danee all send our prayers to Amy, Lindsey, Ronnie and the family! We were touched by Tommy and the Band. They are not only talented musicians but they exuded the union of a true brotherhood in each and every performance. Sweet memories and blessings to all!

--Greg and Shellie Wolfe

PS: The service at St John's was so touching and brought to life the many gifts that Tommy brought to so many! Well told Ronnie!

Soul Man

Little did I know in 1980 when I transferred from Suva Intermediate to Colmar Elementary School that I would meet my husband, join a staff of educators that couldn’t be surpassed, hone my rabble rousing union skills, become a Cheap Sax groupie (and The Balding Brothers prior to that, and The Rev prior to that), become the Promotional Sales Director for the LA Tubers, become a “coattail cousin”, and have Tommy as my friend for 29 years…..And I thought I was just moving from a traditional to a year round school calendar.


When Paul and I learned in April of last year that Tommy was diagnosed with cancer, we were getting ready to leave for our vacation. Tommy’s spirits were high as was our commitment to maintain the most positive thoughts about this new challenge. Before we left, Tommy sent us a note that said, “Wherever you are on Saturday night, You Can Leave Your Hat On and hoist a glass for me because I’m a Soul Man and I Ain’t Too Proud to Beg with a Little Help from My Friends.”

Well, Tommy, as the Saturday nights pass by, our hats will remain off to you…our eternal soul man. And, as for the help from our friends, we’re going to need all that we can get in order to survive the loss of your constant friendship.

We’ll keep you in our hearts.
--Robin Rose

Santa And The Firetruck

This past December I asked Tom to play Santa for me. He said.."Screw the doctors, I'm gonna have fun!"

So he agreed to play Santa at La Merced Elementary. Earlier in our relationship, Tom had mentioned to me that he'd always wanted to ride on a firetruck. Unbeknownst to both of us, I found out that Santa arrives at the school on a firetruck! I found out the day before but did not tell Tom. Then, the firetruck was cancelled because of the threat of rain!!!

I pleaded with the PTA to get that damn firetruck ready for Santa. Luckily, the PTA was able to get it and the following day, Tom arrived early to dress as Santa. The costume hung on him loosely and he was laughing so heartily about it. Then the bell rang and I told Tom at this school, Santa goes out to greet the kids. He started walking out the cafeteria door. I stopped him and redirected him to the opposite door. He went outside and his eyes lit up like I'm sure they did when he was just "little Tommy." He climbed on board. Kept yelling "Turn on the lights. Turn on the siren!" and rode in to a raucous welcome of kids!! In a downpour!

He greeted each and every one and then came back to the cafeteria sopping wet!! As we were wringing out his wig, he said..."Oh, that was great! I always wanted to be on a firetruck. The kids were great." Tom then proceeded to sit in the sled for the next 2 hours individually greeting each child while singing loudly to all of the Christmas songs playing, especially Chuck Berry's "Run, Rudolph, Run."

Just pure Tommy. He loved kids. Obviously, they loved him, too!
Merry Christmas, Tom!

-- Randy Lopez

I Can Take Care of Myself

Tommy sings lead with The Rev, circa 1981. Remember, kids, these were the days before everybody had a video camera in their back pocket. This footage is rare! Our favorite quote about this shoot is from The Rev's bass player Tom Ham, who looked at the playback for a few seconds and said "Porno lighting."

The Beat Goes On

This is a post I was hoping I'd never to have to write.

Tommy was one of those precious friends I knew I could always depend on, someone who would be there for me no matter what. You knew you could count on him to be there with a good word and a smile and a genuine interest in your life and the many other lives he touched.

So you get in the habit of depending on a guy like Tommy. He'll always be there, you figure, because he always has been there. Nothing bad is supposed to happen: he lived well, took care of himself, stayed positive, did good works, gave freely of himself. He probably flossed every day. You don't have to keep an eye on a guy like that, because he can take care of himself.

I know there are many who knew Tommy as an educator. For 34 years he was a teacher and administrator, and I have no doubt that he was good at what he did. But I knew him as an artist, a dedicated and hard-working musician.

I first met him in 1979 when I produced some demo tapes for him and his band "Tommy." I was impressed with his playing, the musical way he used his drums and his ear for arrangement. I was supposed to be just running the studio, but before long I found myself playing guitar parts here and there and soon I was a member of the band.

The band became The Rev, and The Rev became an odyssey of many rehearsals, long nights in the studio searching for the Perfect Track, and a whirlwind of shows at L.A. nightspots. After a few years The Rev morphed into The Balding Brothers, and the rock'n'roll circus continued for a couple of more years. There were good times and terrible times, but no matter what, Tommy kept the beat for us through it all. The drums are the heart of a rock band, and we put a lot of pressure on Tommy to hold us together musically. I mean a lot of pressure, but I don't recall him ever being anything but his calm, easygoing self, and I don't recall him ever giving less than everything he had when he was behind the drums.

I left the business for a long time, and as a result I didn't see Tommy for a while. It's one of the things I regret about the 90's. But even though we didn't see each other a lot, I still felt close to him (we were Balding Brothers, after all!). Luckily we reconnected in the past few years. We jammed a little, hung out a little, and it was as if we'd never been apart. In typical fashion, when I started a new band and we didn't have any gigs, Tommy supported us by inviting us to open for Cheap Sax at their huge annual party, because that's the way he rolled.

I miss you already, old friend, and I expect I always will. I thought we had more time. Damnit, I thought you'd always be there. I'm so grateful you were in my life, but this is not the Perfect Track we were seeking. There was supposed to be a much longer fadeout, and a lot more time to laugh and sing together.

So long, Tom. The beat goes on, but it will never be the same.

--Larry Menshek

A Little Help From His Friends

Tommy Dee in his signature sendup of Joe Cocker
at The Curtis Theater, 2003. Hat tip to Bill Warshaw of
TheatreSHOTS Theatrical Imaging Services
Thanks, Bill!